Strict Auditor

Its been quite sometime i wrote a comedy-piece article. The joy of writing in Thanglish can never be explained. Anyways, This is the second episode of my CA life.

Like the first one, this is also about an interesting character. This time its not a client's but a colleague and a very close friend of mine, Mr. Military Officer (similar to the one in Ullathai Allitha film). Am quite sure every audit office will have a character like him.

"I am a strict auditor"

He is basically one who wants everyone to consider him a very strict officer and will always keep his face like "The Undertaker while entering the wrestling ring". Even if someone tries to tease him (like this post), he would keep his face very stiff in front of us, but will be ROFLMAOing on his way back 'alone' :P.

Ivarukku audit bloodil oorina vishayam. "CAdhan en moochu, CAdhan en pechu, CAdhan en watchu" endru sollum alavukku Audit-mel oneside love kondavar.

He is one of the most brilliant articled assistant a firm can long for. Really a GEM of an auditor (no no, i did not mean Ginger Eating M*****). But the problem the firm has to encounter was that they have to keep him at bay or this Officer would say, "Unga Partnership Deedil Pizhai Irukkiradhu??" o.O (Seems there is some problem in your Partnership Deed).

He can even goto an extent saying, "Indha client office vaasthu padi kattala!! Machinery import pannathellam Raghu-kalathula pannirukanga!!  Edhukkum Contingency Provision poda sollalama?"

2012-la ulagam aziyapovuthunu kelvi pattu, accounts ellam provisionalla "For the period ended April to November"nu pottu sign off pannanum apadinu President-kku oru Letterkooda anuppinar.

Rumor has it that he once tried to prove Microsoft Excel had so many flaws that he thought of having a heated conversation with Bill gates. But then, Our Officer has always been extremely busy and unfortunately couldnt find time for this. (Thakkali - Mukkavasi perukku "( )" appram ' * ' podanuma illa vice versavane velangala, unakku ivalo complications avasiyama?).

Because of his tight schedule, even while sending mails he would say just "Morning" instead of "Good Morning". Given a chance, he might even form a template for his messages and mails that he usually sends.

(He even damaged his mobile once while attending a very important call in the restroom).

At times I had an opportunity to team up with him for some out station audits. Namma officer is not only good in Tamil and English, but also in Hindi. Once we went for shopping, "Bahn bolo bhaiya" phrase vechey bargain panni 10 rupees discount vaanginaru (510 to 500 for few trousers).

Also for our officer there are few allergies. He never takes coffee or tea anywhere (Ketta adhu avar integritya affect pannumamam). Secondly and more seriously the sight of Drinks will run a chill down his spine. There was a time, he actually fainted and had to be admitted in a local hospital for a day.


Outstation vandhalum, he would find comfort in staying at the hotel rather than roaming around. Even if it happened to be an holiday, he would hastily take out the working files and continue his work (while watching pogo channel). Here is one glimpse of it.

Me: "Officer, innikukoodava work pannanum? Konjam rest eduthukongalen?"

Officer: "Hey we are running short of time. There are many other areas in our portfolio which has to be rechecked. I have to finish this portion today itself"

Me: "Officer, atleast indha pogo channelavadhu maathungalen?"

Officer changes the channel to BBC News. (Indha Comedy channel, K Tv-lam un vaazhkaila nee kelvi pattathey illaya?)

Officer: "Okay, i will set the timer in my watch now. Let me see if i can wrap up the work in next 6 hours. I have already ordered Curd Rice for our lunch, so you neednot worry about that as well"

Me: " *tha file-a moodraa. Illa sanga kadichiduven"

He angrily closes the file and takes out IFRS book written by a foreign author. (Ayyo Raaamaa, enna yen indha madhiri pasangaloda teamla kothu vidara?)

When in mood, there is no stopping him. Every single person in the company, incl the office boy would be tempted to crush him, for his questions would be too difficult for them to even remember, let alone answering them.

"Audit panna arambichitta yen pecha naaney kekkamatten"nu punch dialoguelam try pannuvaru.

Idhula vera yaro senja audita review panna solitta, Karagattakaran Koundamani madhiri, "Innoru pazham enga?"nu kettu kodanjiduvaar.

There shouldnt be any kinda disturbance while he audits. If any occurs, then Jeeva-samadhidhan. GM-aavey irundhalum pudichi kaadha kadichi vechiduvar. Oru vela namakku aapu vechiduvangalo-nu manasukkulla bayam irunthalum, adha veliyila kamichikka matar namma anjaa nenjam kondam officer.

When it comes to office timing, even if the night watchman asks him to go to his house, our Officer would say, "Konjam velaya irukken. Oru 15 mins-la kelambiduven". Only when the raa-pichaikaran goes for his morning sleep, he would think about leaving to his house.

Also the concept of materiality is rarely accepted by him. "Autokaranukku meter-mela 5 rupees kuduthadha travel expensesla kaatama vittutanga. I must take this issue to the notice of the management".

But our Officer has a weakness. He is not only an Auditor but also an 'Odd-Eater'. If someone provides him one 5 rupees cup ice, there is a slight probability that he might consider to give up that Missed out 5 Rs Travel charges (But definitely not more than that). He can survive upto a week with just icecreams for consumption.

Idhu mattumillama, namma Officer adikadi, "I Must write to the concerned authorities"nu pongi ezhuvar. Supari paakka edhukku excisable goodsa announce pannanga-lerndhu arambichu, VAT % ethitte porangale-ngra varaikkum, ivarukku adhangam niraya irukku.

Even with all these, he had a flaw which he always overlooked. He rarely cared about documentation. Ketta, "Quality of audit is not in punching and filing the papers"nu thathuvam pesuvar. But vidhiyin sadhi - ippo Big Big Big Big firmla Documentation panrathaye kula thozhila senjittu irukkar.

Summava sonnanga periyavanga, "Velila pora Onana vettila vittutu, ippo ona ona-na vittuduma?".

Eninum, Anjaa nenjam konda engal aapicerin audit payanam thodarnthu nadanthu kondey irukka en manamarntha vaazhthukkal !!!

PS - You Know Who-vai kalaithuvittargal endru ROFL-il irukkum anbargaley!! Adutha kuri neengalaga irukkalam :P